Guys, I do envy you sometimes, I'll admit it. Not just for the ability to piss your name in snow, although that's been a longtime wish of mine. No, I covet the life missing monthly cramps that can only be understood in comparison to (but not nearly as sharp & stabby) the gut pain when you need to shit, but are sans shitter, and your intestines are chock full of monkey balls and ghost chili hot sauce. The fever that comes with that desperate need to shit? Yeah, that's involved in lady dots, too, but it doesn't go away after you've shat, because the fever has reservations for at least a week, and it invited the ibs crew, the spinal angst fellas, the headache kid, and finally, after a week and a half to two weeks, the Final Boss arrives: Aunt Flo, who settles in (with me, at least) for a fortnight of Shining-style elevator gore.
So next time you piss your name in the snow, add a lil' a for yer pal anonybitchy.
Much obliged.
/curls up, wishes for hysterectomy
