37 going on 33

When the insomnia gerbils just will not quit, I'm forced to do a hard reset; stay up a full day, no naps - and go to bed at a reasonable hour, exhausted. 

Hour 33 (I think?) of consciousness. If not for the sims, I'd never have made it!

Okay, night night. 

Tricksy

Next time my dot is a week late, I'll try harder to not hope it is menopause...dammit. Woke today at about a 7, pain-wise, excluding the period pain which is at an eight, the allergies, and the ibs.

My maths are fuckled. Wheeeeeee

Waiting

One of our felines has a vet appointment today, so we packed her into her carrier, my chair into the car, and me in there, too, only to realize the vets office is not exactly accessible...my memory thought they had a ramp. Like, swore-on-my-nose had a ramp. 

Nope!

So while the hub and the queen are in there, I am out here, in the car, waiting. This is my standard when we venture out, so I've learned to appreciate the views.

Whoops

Chaplin, Keaton, Pickford...those names evoke the wonderfully entertaining era of the silent slapstick moving pictures; a time when one had to know how to land both oneself and the laughs. I've been known to fall a few times (ha!), and tonight could have been a fuckin doozy had my head or leg shifted slightly while botching my landing. 

The cat got the joke, but no one else did.

Even being extra-super-careful is not always enough. 

Don't forget that, either. But mostly, remember this moment. Safe, sound but for some bruises, tucked into an already warm bed...make good dreams, whether they be in colour or good old black & white.

Great Weekend!

On the bad days, the crazy with pain days, the irritable bowel insanity days, and the worse than I can describe days, remember how great it feels to go out TWICE in a weekend! A double date with fam/friends, sushi, laughs, sake! Out in the truck to another town! OUT!! 

Don't forget this, and never forget how great it feels to get out of the house when possible. 

Blaauughs

Someday, I hope to have a meds regimen that does not include the (now standard) 2-3 hours of nausea post-ingestion. 

No wonder I get nothing done around here; I'm too busy feeling disgustingly ill. Thank ya, ibs! Yer a fucken pal. 

Admittedly, the half-pill I take every day is probably behind some of the blaauughs, but that's my prescription and goddamn, it has taken a long, long fucken time to find what works for my head. 

But still. 

Blaauugh. 

Rethought

The more I read about my 20yr reunion, the happier I am that the large majority of my graduating class a. has no idea who I am and b. wouldn't know me if I wheeled over their foot. 

I thank the gods for small-minded-miracles. 

Le Sigh.

Why insist you are not a racist when each letter that pours from your mouth is edged in hate? They are gilded with your sense of self-righteousness; your father's voice in your precious mind, giving you excuse upon excuse for your hatred. 

He was wrong. 

You are not him. You don't have to be a racist adult. You can just be a human, flawed as the rest of the planet, but comforted by the knowledge of sameness. The certainty that we all are pink on the inside. Pink is my least liked colour, but I'll be happy to wear it if it'll trigger a positive change in your young, boundless mind. 

We are born imperfect and we die imperfect. Why waste time hating? 

Hello, lovely lady.

My evenings are, for the most part, spent alone with a book, a game, a movie, or a sketch pad, plus one of the cats. Perhaps one of these evenings, I'll make an effort to not resemble a hobolicious derelicté. I am horribly out of practice in "dolled up" and probably should practice. 

Why not, right? 

Ever-further Spring

Warning: ridiculous hyperbole headed your way! 

Spring is totally screwing with us. No, wait; maybe Winter is the jester? Some season has it in for several parts of the planet. Will this be the neverending winter of our discontent?! Aaaaaahhh!!!!!!! 

/end rant

________________

Each face I see shows the same drawn, desperate plea for warmer temperatures. Mine shows the same, with a smidgen of hope wiggling it's way through the yarghwhargarble. 

Smidgen, yo.