36

Once upon a time, a girl lived through a childhood with two faces. One was bright and sunny, filled with love and laughter. The other, however, was dark and scary, rife with villains and bogeymen out to break her. They almost succeeded, too! They beat her and betrayed her trust, told her lies and pushed her around, but the worst things they did are too horrible for this little tale, so we shall move on to when the girl was not quite so little anymore. She survived the bad faces because of the good ones, because they loved her unconditionally and without limits. They taught her to love and to be strong, no matter what came along.
Sometimes, though, the good ones weren't there. Other times the girl was ashamed or scared to tell them what the bad faces did to her, and so she was alone with her thoughts. Often. Far too often, in fact, until one day her fragile mind began to crack. Her decisions were reckless and impulsive, her life spun out of control, but it didn't matter to her. She had decided that her life was no longer worth living, that she was no longer worth anything...she made her plan and saved what little money she would need. She stopped eating and sleeping and took on the appearance of a ghoul, or a china doll with the wrong bits put on. She felt alone. Empty. Hollow. Then she felt nothing.

Then she got help.

And now, she is 36 years old and living a life she only daydreamed about.

Happy birthday to me. <3

Not Too Bad

Tonight we had my Gran, mom and one of my aunts over for dinner. It was lovely and fun and funny, which really adds up to almost perfect, in my book. But as they were leaving Gran lost her balance and fell, luckily on her posterior, more luckily on the soft grass. Scary. Very scary. She insisted she was fine, that she's glad she had a fat butt and not to worry. When I called to check on her a few minutes later, she was laughing at my fretting as my mom insisted that all was well and Gran was sittin on a heating pad. Whew!

Now it is quiet and dark, here in our bedroom, as my man sleeps with his cat nestled up closely and I wind down for rest.

Almost perfect.

Rain, Pour, Find Rainbow

Car troubles, hooray! Immobility, woohoo! Zombishly exhausted overworked hub, huzzah!

No one I know personally is having an easy time of it lately; layoffs, deaths, misery & melancholy are everywhere.

Find your rainbow. Find that shining bright spot in the distance and fuckin go for it.