truth

I hate my body. 

I hate my faulty pain klaxons. 

I hate my brain. 

I hate my hateful thoughts. 

I hate hate. 

I...I hate hating my body and my brain. 

Is My Depression Showing?

Lately, I am struggling. It feels like the air is thick with it, a fog of dense depression. This time, I also fight with my own romantic, fairy tale self, because I need to make changes, not just fantasize about them. So this battle is a bit tougher than previous times; not only the empty, aching nothingness, but also the knee-jerk reaction of escape within my imagination are against me. 

I am not hopeless. 

I am not helpless. 

I will prevail. 

Depression lies. 

Remember that: Depression lies.

Depression LIES. 

Back again

Road trip was cut drastically short as my bones, muscles, and depression ganged up a bit. there were a few dodgy moments before I accepted that my plans needed to change, but here I sit: alive. 

Expletive Deleted

Pros: 

I'm on a road trip!

My friends are wonderful!

My car is running great!

I've seen and hugged two dogs!

Cons:

I can't stop crying

my body betrays me every moment

at 38 I've the strength of an 83 yr old

there is no end in sight

my pain is constant

Selfish:

I don't want to end my trip early but it seems I have to, if I want to get back to home base. 

Remember: 

Depression lies. 

Depression lies. 

Depression lies. 

ps

repost from postsecret.com

Sunday Goods

Descended upon my mom today with dinner and general silliness. That's good. 

Ready for my road trip (I think). That's good. 

Hoping for a chill evening. That's ...

...car races on the teevee. Next to my head. There are other rooms, I could take a long bath. That's good. Good idea. good plan. good night. 

Secret's Warren

Each and every Sunday since, a long time ago in a galaxy far away, I first encountered Frank Warren's Postsecret I've wished for someone to share them with, to laugh and sigh and aww together, reveling in the human experience...I'm still wishing. 

That's my secret. </3

Liar, Liar, You are Fired

This post could be about the recent Trump/NBC rigamarole, but it isn't. 

id like to fire my lying depression. 

it's back. 

again. 

ugh. 

Infrequent