Uncertain

Just a few minutes ago, I learned of the death of someone who was once my friend, then my stalker. Uncertain does not encompass my feelings at present, but it is close. He was an artist, like me. He had mental health issues, like me. He had self-destructive tendencies, like me. He had voices in his head...unlike me. Those were what broke him, I think. I do not claim to know, as I had to block his access to my life after he became threatening a few years back...which he brought upon himself. He's free of them now. He hung himself. 

My tears are for the man he wanted to be, not the man his demons made him. 

Judgment

I will never understand why my family judges me so harshly for doing what makes me happy. It's not contagious, infectious, harmful, dangerous, or illegal, and it is my body, my money, and my joy. 

No Answers

Why do my nights end in stress tears, why am I more suicidal at night, what is it about darkness that feeds the demons, will there ever be a night with no fear waiting, what is the point of my pain, goddamnit, what?