Another list, because I love you all and I need sleep:
1. We're living in the house, it is adorable and awesome and half-painted because my hub is a crazed maniac when it comes to house-setting-up-ness.
2. Still having mild panic attacks and more insomnia, but things are getting slightly better. Purchased a SAD-rated light bulb because, damn.
3. People actually come over to visit and it is really strange and also kind of lovely.
4. Hub got me the best goddamn gift a gal like me could ask for (since he already gave me himself, that is): he got me an old-fashioned re-pro record player with a HORN and EVERYTHING.
5. I started a new blog, over at http://stinkywishes.blogspot.com/ and if you like it, please let me know. If you don't, you can let me know that as well, and maybe I'll give a shit.
6. If I don't get off of this fucking laptop soon I will never sleep.
So with that, I bid you buona sera.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Brainfarts
- I need to stop living my life as an "abled" person and really get my teeth into being this disabled person. With a negative implication in the very word, however, it is difficult to embrace it. Examples would be the resisting of naps (even though they make my body MUCH happier), waking at 5am and staying awake all day (which increases my pain levels) and this whole "lifting boxes around because we moved and I'm a neurotic little weirdo" thing I've gotten into this week.
- I also need to stop hearing those judgmental voices from my past; the ones who said I was just trying to get attention, the ones who dismissed me as a hypochondriac, the one who didn't sign up for this. Fuck 'em.
- My wheelchair is my way of getting around. It is up to ME to decide how I'll rock that, and if I want to do 360s in the supermarket or dance to the muzak, I damn well will. There is not a goddamn thing wrong with yelling "wheeee!" when I"m rolling down a hill. Again, if I'm going to wheel myself around this earth, I should OWN it and WORK it.
- Starting my days with homemade hot cocoa is not a bad thing. I can digest it, somehow, which is more than I can say for my morning tea routine.
- Not everything is about being disabled; sometimes it's just nice to be about hot cocoa, or a good book, or the sunshine.
- I also need to stop hearing those judgmental voices from my past; the ones who said I was just trying to get attention, the ones who dismissed me as a hypochondriac, the one who didn't sign up for this. Fuck 'em.
- My wheelchair is my way of getting around. It is up to ME to decide how I'll rock that, and if I want to do 360s in the supermarket or dance to the muzak, I damn well will. There is not a goddamn thing wrong with yelling "wheeee!" when I"m rolling down a hill. Again, if I'm going to wheel myself around this earth, I should OWN it and WORK it.
- Starting my days with homemade hot cocoa is not a bad thing. I can digest it, somehow, which is more than I can say for my morning tea routine.
- Not everything is about being disabled; sometimes it's just nice to be about hot cocoa, or a good book, or the sunshine.
Friday, October 28, 2011
So Many Holy Craps.
We bought a HOUSE. We're moving in tomorrow, during the friggin' SNOW in OCTOBER. With two male helpers, one strong female, three female relatives who are over 60, me in my wheelchair and my grandmother, who is 87.
Yeah. This is gonna go GREAT.
We're very lucky, don't get me wrong! The fact that we have *any* help is fantastic, and those who are coming are all really kickass people. I am just in major-over-panic-stress-holy-crap-mode, and while the Rescue Remedy and lavender are helping, they're just not helping enough. Every muscle is tense, and my right leg is shooting pain all up in that bitch, and my eyes are too wide.
See? I get stressed out pretty damn easily. We've got a 3 bedroom house, but we're stuck in our 2 room closet/apartment until we can get over there with furniture and it's raining and will be snowing and high winds and and ...
*pow*
Okay. Now it seems we're going to move on sunday, when it is supposed to be not-snowing and not-raining. I should be less stressed.
*twitchtwitch*
More soon.
Yeah. This is gonna go GREAT.
We're very lucky, don't get me wrong! The fact that we have *any* help is fantastic, and those who are coming are all really kickass people. I am just in major-over-panic-stress-holy-crap-mode, and while the Rescue Remedy and lavender are helping, they're just not helping enough. Every muscle is tense, and my right leg is shooting pain all up in that bitch, and my eyes are too wide.
See? I get stressed out pretty damn easily. We've got a 3 bedroom house, but we're stuck in our 2 room closet/apartment until we can get over there with furniture and it's raining and will be snowing and high winds and and ...
*pow*
Okay. Now it seems we're going to move on sunday, when it is supposed to be not-snowing and not-raining. I should be less stressed.
*twitchtwitch*
More soon.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Oh, Those Pachyderms.
It's list time again, and this week our list is brought to you by the good people at Stressing Me The Fuck Out Ltd.! Let's see what they've been cooking up this past week and a half, shall we?
1. The flu plague is still here, albeit in a less fevery manner. I'm down to a half box of tissues per day and coughing up things that my old microscope would have run from, had it been gifted with legs.
2. The insomnia bunny visited me 7 times in the past 14 days, which was so nice and such thoughtful timing!
3. The panic attack gerbil got nice and comfy over here as well, making a record three visits in 7 days! I think I won a kewpie doll and I'd like to give it to my doctor, who didn't think calling me back last week was a good idea.
4. Our bank, who we were getting our mortgage through, decided at 6ish last night that they are no longer doing FHA loans, which is what we had. So hooray for us, we have to get a new mortgage in exactly 30 days! I bet they spoke with that damn gerbil and planned this as a surprise present.*
5. I am spending today trying to stay calm, cool, collected and quiet. Last night's panic attack was draining (not that ALL panic attacks aren't), and sometimes it is okay if my only accomplishment today was breathing.
6. My bff dude is making a webpage for me to pimp out my artwork in exchange for some custom t-shirts I'll be making for his kids. This is a Good Thing, as the last time I did anything like that html was a young language.
7. I would really enjoy diving into my bottle of mead right now, but it is only 1:17pm and I take medications that do not like alcohol. It's okay, though; I'll drown those later on.
As of this moment, I am sitting on my couch, listening to my lovely classical music and drinking water. Bartering with my stomach so that it will calm the fuck down and let me digest something. So far, my twitches have dwindled to a mere 50 per minute. I should be packing, but the hub insists I am still too sick to do that. He's probably right (he usually is).
Deep breaths, soothing music, cool water, ridiculous internets. Yes.
*Huzzah! New mortgage achievement unlocked! So glad I added that +10 to my charisma column. Whew!
1. The flu plague is still here, albeit in a less fevery manner. I'm down to a half box of tissues per day and coughing up things that my old microscope would have run from, had it been gifted with legs.
2. The insomnia bunny visited me 7 times in the past 14 days, which was so nice and such thoughtful timing!
3. The panic attack gerbil got nice and comfy over here as well, making a record three visits in 7 days! I think I won a kewpie doll and I'd like to give it to my doctor, who didn't think calling me back last week was a good idea.
4. Our bank, who we were getting our mortgage through, decided at 6ish last night that they are no longer doing FHA loans, which is what we had. So hooray for us, we have to get a new mortgage in exactly 30 days! I bet they spoke with that damn gerbil and planned this as a surprise present.*
5. I am spending today trying to stay calm, cool, collected and quiet. Last night's panic attack was draining (not that ALL panic attacks aren't), and sometimes it is okay if my only accomplishment today was breathing.
6. My bff dude is making a webpage for me to pimp out my artwork in exchange for some custom t-shirts I'll be making for his kids. This is a Good Thing, as the last time I did anything like that html was a young language.
7. I would really enjoy diving into my bottle of mead right now, but it is only 1:17pm and I take medications that do not like alcohol. It's okay, though; I'll drown those later on.
As of this moment, I am sitting on my couch, listening to my lovely classical music and drinking water. Bartering with my stomach so that it will calm the fuck down and let me digest something. So far, my twitches have dwindled to a mere 50 per minute. I should be packing, but the hub insists I am still too sick to do that. He's probably right (he usually is).
Deep breaths, soothing music, cool water, ridiculous internets. Yes.
*Huzzah! New mortgage achievement unlocked! So glad I added that +10 to my charisma column. Whew!
Friday, September 23, 2011
DUDES. It has been a while.
I know I addressed this to "DUDES" but honestly, I doubt there are any dudes (or dudettes?) actually reading this and that is liberating.
What is not liberating is this fucking cold. Or flu. Or plague. Whatever it is, the hub and I are so sick we're begging the cat to go to the store for supplies. Bitch keeps saying she has no thumbs, but we don't care. She'd look pretty dang awesome driving my car.
In other news that may prove liberating, we are buying a house. A real house, fit for real people, with no real asshats living above or behind us. Obviously, I don't give a shit about what the people living near our house will be like, because I can shut the goddamn door and they're gone!
Oh, fever, we are a fine pair today.
So yeah, we're buying a house, which means we're both batshit nuts about packing and paperwork and deadlines and pachyderms. (I like elephants.) The hub has to work as he hasn't built up any sick time at his new job, so I'm trying to make it as easy on him as possible here...that means I throw out my own tissues and clean my own dishes when I can stand long enough to scrub.
Again, I ask: why don't cats have thumbs? Or little monkey sidekicks?
Yes. Naptime.
What is not liberating is this fucking cold. Or flu. Or plague. Whatever it is, the hub and I are so sick we're begging the cat to go to the store for supplies. Bitch keeps saying she has no thumbs, but we don't care. She'd look pretty dang awesome driving my car.
In other news that may prove liberating, we are buying a house. A real house, fit for real people, with no real asshats living above or behind us. Obviously, I don't give a shit about what the people living near our house will be like, because I can shut the goddamn door and they're gone!
Oh, fever, we are a fine pair today.
So yeah, we're buying a house, which means we're both batshit nuts about packing and paperwork and deadlines and pachyderms. (I like elephants.) The hub has to work as he hasn't built up any sick time at his new job, so I'm trying to make it as easy on him as possible here...that means I throw out my own tissues and clean my own dishes when I can stand long enough to scrub.
Again, I ask: why don't cats have thumbs? Or little monkey sidekicks?
Yes. Naptime.
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