Released.

We make choices based on what we want or what we need. We choose to pepper our lives with friends, hoping all along that they'll be Good People. We choose, sometimes, to ignore the Bad Signs from said friends' and disregard the heart and head's klaxon bells. 

I chose to end those relationships today. 

I never wanted to, but in retrospect I NEEDED to cut said people out of my life about, oh gee, six years ago?

Friendship should not be based on fear of hurting, either oneself or others. 

I will never be your dress up dolly.

I will never be your intervention. 

I will never be your friend again.

None of you.

No more.

This post brought to you by the letters F U and the colour Drunk Red.

Don your Armour

Really?

Well. 

Fuck this dick sandwich of a week. 

First, a penis in my inbox.

Second, a dickhead on my line.

Third, no one told me my cat died. 

NO ONE.

So. 

Fuck this shit. Fuck it ALL. Fuck him, fuck him, fuck her, fuck them, FUCK 'EM ALL.

Yes, I've already taken my meds. 

No, I will not be okay today. 

Perhaps in a fortnight. 

Goddammitallsofuckingbad. 

Need vs Want

After mistakenly answering a call from someone I'd prefer out of my life, it seemed time to choose between my aching want for a father and my absolute need to cut the father I've had out of my life. 

It is not my fault he loves money above all. 

It is bad for my mental and physical health to continue with him in my life. 

My life is wonderful without the overhanging guilt, anger, heartbreak and disappointment that he causes. 

It was not with joy or relief that I closed the door to him. 

It was with fear, regret, tears, sadness, panic...all the emotions he best inspired in me from my first memories forward. 

Mourning the father that never was, the one that could have been. 

Grateful for the other fathers who stepped up and loved me. 

Stronger than I ever imagined.

New year, new name to follow.

 (Privately, not bloggily. That is fun to pronounce: bloggggily.) 

Peace. Finally. 

But Why

Why, after a twenty-plus year friendship, would one think it acceptable to send a photo of one's penis to one's married friend? I mean, I get that it's New Years and hangovers tend to be cured today by hair of the dog, but...why? 

Men: keep your dongs to yourselves. In every way. Unless specifically requested, of course. BY SOMEONE ELSE, not your dong.

WTF, indeed.