Thursday, January 2, 2014

Need vs Want

After mistakenly answering a call from someone I'd prefer out of my life, it seemed time to choose between my aching want for a father and my absolute need to cut the father I've had out of my life. 

It is not my fault he loves money above all. 

It is bad for my mental and physical health to continue with him in my life. 

My life is wonderful without the overhanging guilt, anger, heartbreak and disappointment that he causes. 

It was not with joy or relief that I closed the door to him. 
It was with fear, regret, tears, sadness, panic...all the emotions he best inspired in me from my first memories forward. 

Mourning the father that never was, the one that could have been. 
Grateful for the other fathers who stepped up and loved me. 
Stronger than I ever imagined.

New year, new name to follow.
 (Privately, not bloggily. That is fun to pronounce: bloggggily.) 

Peace. Finally. 

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What began as a blog for anonymous bitches has morphed into a blog wherein I bitch about stupid things.