I'm not even sure what to write here, but if I don't stop crying, I'm going to go mad.
How's that for a dramatic opener...yeesh. There have been, in the past month or two, rapid changes in my health. Of COURSE this is about my health, that's all I fucking think about lately. More signs of MS, more proof that my body is fighting me from the inside, blah blah blah. Every time I start to talk to others about it, I end with that: blah, blah, blah. Because who the hell cares, right? I mean, outside of my family and few close friends. I'm pretty sure they're sick of me crying and being hysterical, but hey! at least it's a different kind of hysterics, right? Eh.
And here comes the inevitable list:
- muscle spasms that make me think there are tiny little ravers inside of me dancing to every noise
- feet and legs that don't always respond to my brain saying MOVE
- a bladder that also doesn't always respond
- partial blurred vision
Those are the newest members of the cabaret here in good ol' Body Central. Tomorrow I see my neurologist again to restart the tests. Maybe this is the year I get a diagnosis, maybe not. I hope I do, because not knowing why one's body is trying to destroy oneself is a hell of a way to live.
Someone, anyone, send that little dutch boy to plug up my tearducts.
How's that for a dramatic opener...yeesh. There have been, in the past month or two, rapid changes in my health. Of COURSE this is about my health, that's all I fucking think about lately. More signs of MS, more proof that my body is fighting me from the inside, blah blah blah. Every time I start to talk to others about it, I end with that: blah, blah, blah. Because who the hell cares, right? I mean, outside of my family and few close friends. I'm pretty sure they're sick of me crying and being hysterical, but hey! at least it's a different kind of hysterics, right? Eh.
And here comes the inevitable list:
- muscle spasms that make me think there are tiny little ravers inside of me dancing to every noise
- feet and legs that don't always respond to my brain saying MOVE
- a bladder that also doesn't always respond
- partial blurred vision
Those are the newest members of the cabaret here in good ol' Body Central. Tomorrow I see my neurologist again to restart the tests. Maybe this is the year I get a diagnosis, maybe not. I hope I do, because not knowing why one's body is trying to destroy oneself is a hell of a way to live.
Someone, anyone, send that little dutch boy to plug up my tearducts.
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