Face It

Tomorrow is a Big Day. New neurologist, possible/probable diagnosis, more tests to run, more words to file away in my musty old mind...more fear. I know, I know; being diagnosed with MS changes nothing about me as ME, but it certainly changes the future. Right? Not that I've ever successfully envisioned a future with myself in it, but hey! What can ya do. Thought I'd be long dead by now, suicide or abuse related, protesting or procreating...but never this. Never being slowly destroyed from the inside out. 

How do I stop thinking and worrying and fearing this, this thing that once was my own body, now an untrustworthy stranger? How do I quiet the white noise of fear?

There will come a time when my acceptance is transparent. When I'll no longer question it. That time is not now. 

Now is the time for bolstering, for tomorrow, we divine.