Today, dear friends, I do not have much to bitch about. No, I know - strange but true! I have a roof over my head, a refrigerator in my kitchen stocked with food, a husband who loves me and just happens to have the hottest ass on the planet, and we recently moved back over the rainbow to Pennsylvania. Obviously, I am grateful for all of these positives. Being grateful, however, does not negate the crap that comes along with being a sentient human being. As much as I would like to be a perky, happy, chipper little person, it is not always easy. So I strive to just be real. That said, being real generally includes eating and digesting food. You people out there who can eat what you want take it for granted, but those of us with pissed off guts are at the mercy of our digestive tract on a daily - nay, hourly basis! If we are out and about and feel that familiar sensation, we can't just buy a packet of chips and a soda. Our bodies are physically unable to process that shite, and honestly - that is okay by me. I don't want to be a part of the unhealthy masses! I don't want to suffer from malnutrition while shoveling pre-packaged crap into my mouth. I don't want to die at an early age from heart disease, obesity, diabetes or any of the other myriad food-related disorders. Now, I know that diet is not the sole reason behind those disorders - but come on, folks! If you CAN eat food that fuels you, why choose to eat non-food that makes only one part of your body happy - your tongue! Why eat something slathered in chemicals when you can experience the intense crunchy sweetness of a fresh carrot?
Okay, okay... now I'm off of the deep end into granola-head territory, but you know what? I like carrots. I do! They're fun! They're versatile! They are a part of so many traditional family meals, in so many countries including ours! What the hell is wrong with a little love for our ground-grown orange friends? You know what else? Potatoes are a vegetable. Not french fries, not chips, but real, honest-to-gods potatoes. Baked, mashed, souped and sauteed, potatoes are damn tasty. TRY ONE.
It appears that today's gratitude-fueled post has deviated into my seething distaste for the easy-quick-cheap food mentality. When I see people trying to leave a fast food joint, begging to be able to merge into my lane, I'm a total bitch. I don't let them. Yeah, I'm one of THOSE assholes. Because you know what? While you're horking down your heart-attack-in-a-bun, you could be savouring a bag of fucking carrots and getting some actual nutrition. You could be fostering the healthy habit of a lifetime in your children, who will pass it to their children and friends, making the whole fucking future a healthy prospect! What the shit is wrong with fast-food eaters?!!
Okay... okay, I need to step away from the keyboard before I make enemies. Aah, fuck it - you don't like my views, you don't have to read 'em. You like your fast food? Well, you go on an enjoy it! I'll be sure to leave some edible flowers on your grave.
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