Oh, Those Pachyderms.

It's list time again, and this week our list is brought to you by the good people at Stressing Me The Fuck Out Ltd.! Let's see what they've been cooking up this past week and a half, shall we?

1. The flu plague is still here, albeit in a less fevery manner. I'm down to a half box of tissues per day and coughing up things that my old microscope would have run from, had it been gifted with legs.

2. The insomnia bunny visited me 7 times in the past 14 days, which was so nice and such thoughtful timing!

3. The panic attack gerbil got nice and comfy over here as well, making a record three visits in 7 days! I think I won a kewpie doll and I'd like to give it to my doctor, who didn't think calling me back last week was a good idea.

4. Our bank, who we were getting our mortgage through, decided at 6ish last night that they are no longer doing FHA loans, which is what we had. So hooray for us, we have to get a new mortgage in exactly 30 days! I bet they spoke with that damn gerbil and planned this as a surprise present.*

5. I am spending today trying to stay calm, cool, collected and quiet. Last night's panic attack was draining (not that ALL panic attacks aren't), and sometimes it is okay if my only accomplishment today was breathing.

6. My bff dude is making a webpage for me to pimp out my artwork in exchange for some custom t-shirts I'll be making for his kids. This is a Good Thing, as the last time I did anything like that html was a young language.

7. I would really enjoy diving into my bottle of mead right now, but it is only 1:17pm and I take medications that do not like alcohol. It's okay, though; I'll drown those later on.

As of this moment, I am sitting on my couch, listening to my lovely classical music and drinking water. Bartering with my stomach so that it will calm the fuck down and let me digest something. So far, my twitches have dwindled to a mere 50 per minute. I should be packing, but the hub insists I am still too sick to do that. He's probably right (he usually is).

Deep breaths, soothing music, cool water, ridiculous internets. Yes.



*Huzzah! New mortgage achievement unlocked! So glad I added that +10 to my charisma column. Whew!

DUDES. It has been a while.

I know I addressed this to "DUDES" but honestly, I doubt there are any dudes (or dudettes?) actually reading this and that is liberating.

What is not liberating is this fucking cold. Or flu. Or plague. Whatever it is, the hub and I are so sick we're begging the cat to go to the store for supplies. Bitch keeps saying she has no thumbs, but we don't care. She'd look pretty dang awesome driving my car.

In other news that may prove liberating, we are buying a house. A real house, fit for real people, with no real asshats living above or behind us. Obviously, I don't give a shit about what the people living near our house will be like, because I can shut the goddamn door and they're gone!

Oh, fever, we are a fine pair today.

So yeah, we're buying a house, which means we're both batshit nuts about packing and paperwork and deadlines and pachyderms. (I like elephants.) The hub has to work as he hasn't built up any sick time at his new job, so I'm trying to make it as easy on him as possible here...that means I throw out my own tissues and clean my own dishes when I can stand long enough to scrub.

Again, I ask: why don't cats have thumbs? Or little monkey sidekicks?

Yes. Naptime.